Sometimes, I think for most people in my orbit, I am a constant. I mask myself so consistently from their perspective that I always seem the same. I am not moody, easily offended (not that they can tell), or different. I am like McDonald’s; the menu and food are the same no matter where you are. I am comfortable and safe for most people. When I show worry, sadness, or any other emotion, it rocks the boat of others’ perception. Making them uneasy.
I don’t mind serving as a constant. It is a service to my community, and I can tell how well I am masking from the feedback. I value my masking and feel warm and safe behind my comfy mask.
Masking gets a bad rap, but it has helped me through many a trauma while protecting me from also having to deal with others’ trying to help. In my experience, people don’t know the line where helping hurts. That does mean I have to deal with everything internally. I’ve never known anything else. I don’t even know what to do if someone could legitimately help me with my feelings.
A hot mocha is calling.